Tuesday, November 1, 2011

November 1st, 2011


Woke up a few minutes after 4 to take that darn pill. Went back to bed, but realized that I didn't hear a noise from Adam's room that told me he was awake. I think he said he had to be at work at 5. Got up, knocked on his door. 5:30, he said. Oh. Stayed up.

No word today on any more appointments. Expect to hear a date/time for the biopsy tomorrow, though.

Still thinking of you... Have to stop that so I can function. Still dark outside, but crystal clear, stars shining. Another beautiful day. The man says those are ending; cooling and rain are expected. Winter is coming. Of the years? Perhaps. There is a growing wind blowing outside.

Chip and Chipette, the two squirrels in those bowl pines are refreshing their nest. The vines growing up those trees are rustling and they're cutting off those wide leaves to line the nest. They drop some - in our yard. Let 'em lay. I think of Dan raking his yard - it's a workout! I helped once and was huffing and puffing by the time we were finished. Did he use a blower? or a mulcher? I don't remember now. He's a good man! The best! How did that happen under the circumstances? Dad had a lot to do with that. There must be a Cindy influence there too; the woman making the man. It's a curious thing.

Saw the Hummingbirds this morning, but not since. They haven't gone South yet, though. They will soon I expect. Ooops, nearly forgot that pill; 10:30 pm, thirty minutes late. I take it with milk. Love ice cold milk.

Chris went to see Dentist Stan today while I waited until she returned to go get my flu shot. Stan's message was about the power of prayer. Funny. I knew he would say that. I'm convinced that I always get an extra hour in the chair when I see him just so we can talk. It never fails that we'll spend an hour talking and he'll say, "Well, Dave, I've got to get to work!" Then, I'll sit back and he'll do his job. We talk about everything. Everyone else, his assistant, his hygienist wife, the receptionist, come and go or stand around waiting and making comments on how much time is wasted "when Dave comes in." Ha! Stan and I laugh. We don't let them interrupt or spoil our fun, though. "The power of prayer," he says. I expect our next visit-talk will be about the concept of the mysterious physical-linked-to-metaphysical universe to somehow explain why and how prayer works. It's an odd thing.

Yet, Stan, pray for which; to go, or to stay? I'm conflicted about that. Oddly, I am calm about it, wanting each equally. To see you again, and to stay with them. How long has it been? Eighteen years? I think that's right. I don't know if the calmness will last. Will fear come? I think, for now, I will leave the decision up to another. Fate will decide. If anyone wants me to stay, let them do the praying. Chris has a problem letting things go, yet she will be fine. But, it won't be easy for her. I've been thinking of buying a new car for her, maybe a Lexus. She wants another Acura, though. They're both nice. But, she also says our current Acura has another 1 or 2 hundred thousand miles on it. Ha! But the paint will be gone! She doesn't waste an ounce or throw away anything. I sometimes believe that if I don't sneak things out to the trash bins, we'd be deluged with plastic bags, empty water bottle for refills, etc. Well, it isn't that bad, but I like even less clutter when I can get away with it. lol. Maybe the stocks will go up and I can surprise her with a new, or at least newer, Acura.

Delayed my flu shot. The Pill is too strong, lowers the immune system and the shot will do no good. Sheesh. Another thing that pill does! That's all I need, walking around with a low immune system, in and out of hospitals, the nastiest places in the world of germs. What's next?!!

Took a nap this afternoon and woke up around 6:30pm with a real need to go. I hate that feeling. Went in the bathroom, then couldn't go and stood there for a good ten minutes with ever growing alarm. I remember a story about dad having that problem once. He drove all the way to the Vincennes hospital from nearly Cynthiana to the ER. Wasn't there someplace closer?!! I can't imagine the pain he was in.

I had to force my mind to return to and to remember an old trick I learned in the Navy, over forty years ago, when I had finally, after too many sleepless nights, told our shipboard Corpsman, Doc, that I needed something to help me sleep. I thought I'd get a pill; he gave me a book: "Self Hypnosis." "What?" I said. "Read it," he said. I did, and I practiced and practiced. And, after many more sleepless nights I was finally able to talk myself into relaxing, clearing my mind of useless thoughts, to meditate better. I became a good sleeper. I can relax muscles at will when I recall those techniques. I need to remember that. It may help in the coming months. It worked. I finally, slowly gained control and relief.

Whew! The wind is really blowing. Those wind chimes Chris had me put up are finally making the twinkling sound. Those are not those noisy, bar things. They are a corning like glass chimes. They sound better. These are Santa Ana winds, coming from the Northeast. Fire weather. Dry weather. And, the news says there are fires blowing. Look at the flames blow! A neighborhood is being destroyed. There is always something. It will be okay.


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