Monday, March 15, 2010

The Miscreant Palin Gene

As some of you know, I am a self-proclaimed Palintologist. That is to say that I am a student of Palintology, the study of the Sarah Palin phenomena and the fans that follow her, with the ultimate goal of determining how far the human being will descend into stupidity before some force begins to resist further degradation of the human mind. The question is important to the entirety of mankind and to its continued existence, no less. Will resistance occur before we descend back to before the Bronze Age where, according to her fans, the dinosaur and humans lived together? Or will we simply descend to the Dark Ages before we begin our crawl back to sanity?

I thought I should share with everyone a new discovery that a few Palintologists have made – well, actually “all” Palintologists have made – the cause of the phenomena. Approximately 65 million years ago on the day that the giant asteroid crashed into the Earth around the Yucatan Peninsula, Mexico, killed all of the dinosaurs, and formed the K-T Boundary that defines when the dinosaurs died and mammals began their ascendency (and, no, humans and dinosaurs did not live together – you pervert), the asteroid deposited a new miscreant gene that was fused with the lowly worm's genetic structure. So far we've traced this gene over those millions of years in various species that evolved from the worm and we've come to one conclusion – it is a self-destructive gene. Each time it appears, after periods of long dormancy, the species that it becomes active in takes on behavior that eventually destroys itself. It becomes extinct.

So, it is with some urgency that we must report the existence of the gene that is now active in Sarah Palin and her followers. We can't allow those who are now under the influence of the turned-on gene to influence others to turn on that genetic switch. The only action that seems to work as an anti-stupid agent against the gene, i.e., to turn it off, is to bray like a donkey. For God's sake, don't trumpet like an elephant. That seems to weaken resistance to the gene and make the condition worse.


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